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Define Life

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Since Novermber is NaNoWriMo.... [Nov. 2nd, 2006|08:57 pm]
Define Life

de_fine_life

[theboysgonehome]
[Tags|]
[mood |tiredtired]
[music |Silver and Cold, by AFI]

It's true. Not only is November NaNoWriMo, but both Beth Ann and myself are participating this year. Which means that Define Life is, for the month... I don't want to say backburnered, but certainly not our highest priority. Therefore, we hope to fill the month with random. To begin, I give you an online conversation, in which you can see the wackiness that goes into Matt!verse brainstorming. This conversation is not at all a-typical of us. For reading ease, I've deleted the time stamps, replaced screen names with real names, and color coded it. I warn you, it will be filled with geekery, Eddie Izzard references, and other such nonsense. It may make no sense to anyone but Beth Ann and I. But if you'd like, here it is:



Beth Ann says: What's gonna happen when Matt gets chicken pox?
Gwen says: omg, David's Jewish mother-ness would go into OVERDRIVE
Beth Ann says: Because if he gets it, David'll freak, and if he doesn't, David'll freak and be like "He'll get it h\when he's older and DIE!!"
Gwen says: lol, totally!
Beth Ann says: And Jack'll be like, "Dude. It's CHICKEN POX."
Gwen says: "Everyone get's it! He'll live!"
Beth Ann says: And Specs will be like, "NO I WILL NOT GIVE HIM A VACCINE"
Gwen says: And David: "FINE, IF YOU WANT MY SON TO DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!"
Beth Ann says: *ded* And Jack will just repeat "Everyone gets it. I got it."
Gwen says: And David will mumble "Well so did I, BUT STILL!"
Beth Ann says: "It's different with him! He's MAI BABYYYYYYYYY!"
Gwen says: lol, exactly!
Beth Ann says: Verbatum. And everyone would be like, *eyeroll*, and Matt would be all *itchy bits!*
Gwen says: And Specs, who would of course still be on the phone at his point, would shout "I'M HANGING UP NOW! GOODBYE!"
Beth Ann says: And David would call back and be ignored like woah.
Gwen says: lol
Gwen says: Oh!
Beth Ann says: What?
Gwen says: Our audience has yet to be introduced to Specs!
Gwen says: They don't know he's a pediatrician! sp?
Beth Ann says: Oh yeah. Specsie the pediatrician. SEXIN UP THE DUTCHY OMG.
Gwen says: very true
Beth Ann says: ON THE EXAMINING ROOM TABLE!!!!!!!!
Gwen says: lol, EEEEW CHILDREN SIT ON THAT
Beth Ann says: They clean it after. They also do it on Dutchy's drawing table. Right on the blueprints.
Beth Ann says: And his coworkers are like, "What's this blob? Is that brick or what?"
Gwen says: the blueprints would be all smudged
Gwen says: omg Specs ass-prints!
Beth Ann says: I wanna see the buildings that result from the assprints.
Gwen says: They'd be much like the designs he creates when denying Specs sex as punishment
Gwen says: Hey, did you ever notice how similar the words specs and sex sound?
Beth Ann says: *ded from funny* YES OMG! "Why are those pillars shaped like penises. Are you and Specs fighting? Again?"
Gwen says: Coincidence? I THINK NOW
Gwen says: *NOT
Beth Ann says: Except for how EVERYONE KNOWS THAT BUT YOU.
Gwen says: shutup
Beth Ann says: I shmuv oo...
Gwen says: freak
Gwen says: but I love you, too
Beth Ann says: Am not!
Gwen says: are too! /juvinile
Gwen says: BACK TO MATT WITH CHICKEN POX
Beth Ann says: OMG Would Jack and David ever have the am too/are not fight?
Gwen says: lol, no, you know who would have that one? Jack and Matt.
Beth Ann says: Because Jack would start, and David would get sucked in.
Gwen says: lol, yeah
Beth Ann says: ANd then realize he's having an am too/are not fight.
Beth Ann says: Oooo, yeah.
Gwen says: Jack and Matt would be playing video games and get into an Am too/are not fight and David would walk in and be all "... Seriously?"
Beth Ann says: And he'd totally blame Jack because "You're older!"
Gwen says: exactly!
Beth Ann says: And Jack would be all, "But he started it!!! *whine*"
Gwen says: "You should have more sense than that! Setting an example! Etc!"
Beth Ann says: "But Davey...!"
Gwen says: "Oh no, don't you Davey me!"
Beth Ann says: "But he staaaaaaaarted it!"
Beth Ann says: *pouts*
Gwen says: Matt his hiding in the hallway, giggling.
Gwen says: But David would be able to resist, though.
Beth Ann says: Sneaking sugar-free cookies and thinking about how he's gonna tell all his friends about how he got off scott-free.
Gwen says: AHAHAHA SUGAR FREE COOKIES! OH DAVID.
Beth Ann says: He so would not.
Beth Ann says: Jack totally sneaks in real cookies for himself.
Beth Ann says: And GETS CAUGHT OMG!
Gwen says: OH totally. He has a stash of chips ahoy in some top cabinet
Gwen says: IN THE SOCK DRAWER
Beth Ann says: RAINBOW Chips Ahoy!
Gwen says: You know it.
Beth Ann says: With his Romance novels!
Gwen says: Exactly! He reads them, cries, and eats the cookies.
Beth Ann says: *ded* Oh, it's so true, omg. And denies it when David's like, "OMG, love, were you crying? What's wrong?"
Gwen says: He'd be all "It's the pollen. THE POLLEN."
Beth Ann says: "I HAVE ALLERGIES I AM NOT A WOMAN DAVID!"
Gwen says: lol!
Beth Ann says: "GRRR MANLY. I'M GOING TO GET A JOB WITH A DRILL."
Gwen says: *dies*
Gwen says: As he walks away, "Do you like bread? I've got a French loaf!" *runs* "I love you....!"
Beth Ann says: Because Jack is also a closet Eddie Izzard fan?
Gwen says: Oh hell no, he's loud and proud about that one!
Beth Ann says: Matt's, like, seven, and Jack's like, "Now this guy? Most amazing comic EVER. You will love him!"
Gwen says: Cue Matt: "Why's he wearing makeup? And women's clothing? And talking about the bible?"
Beth Ann says: And David walks by and is like "OMG INAPPROPRIATE!!!!oneone11!!!one!"
Gwen says: Jack: "He needs to be ED-JU-MA-KATED!"
Beth Ann says: "Not about this, he doesn't! Not yet!"
Beth Ann says: And the next day, Matt's like, "I want some cof-fee!"
Gwen says: "WE WANT HIM TO LIKE HIS WOMEN LIKE HE LIKES HIS COFFEE... NOT AT ALL."
Beth Ann says: lol.
Gwen says: And we're awesome
Beth Ann says: "But...I might want coffee! I haven't tried it yet!"
Gwen says: lol
Beth Ann says: We totally are.
Beth Ann says: "Papa, can I be a beekeeper?"
Gwen says: "I wanna keep bees! I don't want them to get away! They have too much freedom, bees!"
Beth Ann says: And David would be like, "YOU WILL GET STUNG AND DIE!!!!!"
Gwen says: And Jack will just walk across the house... shut the door... and commense laughing his damn head off.
Beth Ann says: And emerge an hour later, give David a gentle kiss, and put his DVDs away for a while.
Gwen says: It's true. Because really, he's a good Daddy.
Gwen says: Wow, watch us work out our respective Daddy-issues!
Beth Ann says: He is. Deep down. He's also the cool one.
Beth Ann says: Oh, hell yes.
Gwen says: Well, yeah.
Beth Ann says: We're not letting any of them have a motercycle.
Beth Ann says: *motorcycle
Gwen says: *pout* I liiiiiiiiike motorcycles!
Gwen says: You would ride mine, if I had one.
Beth Ann says: NO I WOULD DIE.
Gwen says: NO YOU WOULDN'T
Beth Ann says: I WOULD. ANCIENT GYPSY CURSE. DEATH.
Gwen says: like needle into finger, up, into brain, and death
Gwen says: ?
Gwen says: Plus, Jack would be so hot on a motorbike!
Beth Ann says: YES OMG. ASS ONTO SEAT, CRUSING SPINE INTO BRAIN AND DEATH.
Beth Ann says: David would kill him.
Gwen says: With David clinging behind, his eyes shut tight
Beth Ann says: No, no way would David get on the bike.
Gwen says: After lots of wearing him down... he'd do it.
Beth Ann says: And scream like a girl the whole time.
Beth Ann says: Just like I would.
Gwen says: oh, totoally
Gwen says: *totally
Gwen says: HA, NO.
Gwen says: WAIT.
Gwen says: At... let's say 19 or 20... MATT COMES HOME ON A MOTORCYCLE.
Beth Ann says: *ded* OMG, David would have a fucking heart attack right there.
Gwen says: Jack would be all, "Oh HELL yes! Awesome!"
Beth Ann says: "I mean, listen to your Papa. Moterbikes are dangerous. *whispers* Can I borrow it some time?"
Gwen says: lol, oh yeah
Beth Ann says: And David would march him back to wherever he bought it and be like, "TAKE IT BACK. NOW."
Gwen says: Matt would be all "I'm an ADUUUUULT now, Papa!" *pout*whine*pout*
Beth Ann says: And David would be all, "You're still my baby boy!"
Gwen says: Matt would make a face, then placate him with a scene straight out of Full House.
Beth Ann says: We're such bad people.
Gwen says: totally
Beth Ann says: Awwwwww...
Beth Ann says: And then Jack would spoil it by going, "So, can I have a motorcycle?"
Gwen says: David would just *glare*
Beth Ann says: "So...that's a no then, huh?"
Gwen says: "Yes. That. Is. A. No. *quietly* Unless you want no sex for the REST OF YOUR LIFE."
Beth Ann says: And JUack would actually take a moment to consider this thought. And maybe bring up Anthony...XP
Beth Ann says: *Jack
Beth Ann says: ANd then be like, "NO! You're more fun to ride than a motorbike...*pounces*"
Gwen says: lol. David would be all "Once Matt is not within ear shot..."
Beth Ann says: And Jack would *poooooooout* "Matty, we're out of...pancake mix. Go to the store three hours away and get some!"
Gwen says: Matt would just be like, "... Eww."
Beth Ann says: "I'm going to leave and go back to my dorm now, kthxbai."
Beth Ann says: "Alex is waiting for me."
Gwen says: Jack and David would share a Significant Look.
Beth Ann says: And Matt would roll his eyes. "We're having a Halo2 tournament, duh!"
Beth Ann says: Jack: "NAKED Halo2?"
Gwen says: Jack would be torn between wanting to stay and be sexed up with David, and wanting to follow Matt back and play video games with him.
Beth Ann says: It's true! But David would win out in the end.
Beth Ann says: And then he'd go play games.
Gwen says: Well, naturally. I don't think The games can give Jack orgasms... at least, I hope not. But yes, he would then get up, throw on some boxers, and play his PS2 in the livingroom.
Beth Ann says: And David would just pook in and shake his head in a bemused way.
Gwen says: Nono, he'd shout from the bedroom, "um... hello? Cuddling? ........Jack?"
Beth Ann says: And Jack would be like, "Can't snuggle. Smashing things."
Gwen says: lol!
Beth Ann says: And Jack's totally the kind of gamer who gets totally into it and is like, jumping up and down and flailing and shouting at the TV.
Gwen says: And so David would curl up with one of his secret!western novels.
Beth Ann says: And sneak some of his own hidden stash of snacks.
Beth Ann says: What would he hoard?
Gwen says: which would be.......?
Beth Ann says: We rawk.,
Gwen says: oh yeah \m/
Gwen says: suckers?
Beth Ann says: Would Jack let him have suckers uninterrupted?
Beth Ann says: *wink winkn nudge nudge*
Gwen says: definitely not... which is why he sneaks them!
Gwen says: ice cream?
Gwen says: oh, but he couldn't hide that so well, without it getting all melty...
Beth Ann says: He can't hide that well.
Gwen says: lol
Beth Ann says: Um, it would be sweet.
Gwen says: yep...
Gwen says: not chocolate
Gwen says: not ice cream...
Beth Ann says: Nope. He's not that much of a woman.
Gwen says: lol
Beth Ann says: LifeSavers?
Gwen says: hmm...
Beth Ann says: And then he could get his tongue stuck in one and Jack would have to help him get it unstuck!
Gwen says: lol!
Beth Ann says: It would be soo cute. It totally has to be LifeSavers.
Gwen says: lol, okay
Gwen says: ... I need to stop saying lol.
Beth Ann says: No, you totally don't!
Gwen says: And "so-and-so is all"
Gwen says: overused...
Gwen says: :P
Beth Ann says: And it's not like we're totally abusing capslock, noooooo
Gwen says: nooooooooo.
Gwen says: never!
Beth Ann says: David stole Harry's Capslock of RAAAAGE!
Gwen says: lolz! overprotective parenting and CAPS LIKE IZ TEH STUUUUUCK!
Beth Ann says: We are the win!
Gwen says: is true!
Beth Ann says: ANyway, I gotta go. Love.
Beth Ann says: *Love you
Gwen says: mmkay, love you too.
Beth Ann says: Bye.
Gwen says: bye baby
Beth Ann says: *kisses*
Gwen says: *kisses back*
Beth Ann says: Talk to you Tuesday?
Gwen says: I suppose... :P
Beth Ann says: Sorry. I love you
Gwen says: Love you, too. Bye!
linkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: deesarrachi
2006-11-03 01:43 pm (UTC)
We are totally all kinds of win. ^_______^ I just reread this, and man, we are lame. I just can't stop laughing! XP
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: theboysgonehome
2006-11-03 03:49 pm (UTC)
We are lame x10 to the max. :p And by lame, I mean totally awesome.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: deesarrachi
2006-11-03 07:31 pm (UTC)
No, pretty much laaaame. XD This is what November is going to be like, yo. Full of random and inside jokes and so forth. If I can get my scanner hooked up, I can put up some pictures, too.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: theboysgonehome
2006-11-04 04:27 am (UTC)
Piiiiiictuuuuuuuures. *begs and is pretty*
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: deesarrachi
2006-11-05 12:27 am (UTC)
Well, yes, you are pretty. But the scanner = ded, so...we'll see. ^__^
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: theboysgonehome
2006-11-05 05:20 am (UTC)
Well thank you. *preens*
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)