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Define Life

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Excerpts from the chat logs. [Nov. 22nd, 2006|11:09 am]
Define Life


[mood |bouncybouncy]
[music |Circle of Light, by Ani Difranco]

More of us chatting. This is a bunch of conversations we've had this month. I've edited them down to what's pertinent, and strung them all together. As before, I've used real names and color coding for clarity. This one contains discussion, discussion that becomes RPing, and just plain RPing. This one also comes with a shiny warning! This contains much talk of boy sex, and should be avoided by the young and innocent. Also, the end has some chat speak (you'll see why), so if that is unbearable to you, I recommend you skip that part. And yes, we do like to play up the Jewish Mother aspect of David's personality. :D

Beth Ann says: How much is David going to cry at Matt's graduation?
Gwen says: He's going to be crying the entire week leading up to it, and again the entire week before he goes away to college
Beth Ann says: And Jack's going to just let him cry on his shoulder while he, Jack, watches TV.
Gwen says: But you know even Jack will sniffle a little when Matt actually walks across the platform and accepts his diploma.
Beth Ann says: Oh, absolutely. And every single newsie will be there, too, with little graduation presents
Gwen says: And even the toughest will get a little sappy at little Matt all grown up. Spot will, for the first time since he met Matt, actually hug him.
Beth Ann says: D'aww...and Matt will just be like "Um, wha?" And Spot will totally deny it later.
Gwen says: And as soon as he recovers enough to hug back, Spot will be pulling away.
Beth Ann says: Ha, yes. And someone will have managed to catch it on film and blackmail Spot.
Gwen says: Blink. Blink standing in the doorway, camera in hand, giggling.
Beth Ann says: YES! But wait, this would be before the Halloween Incident, wouldn't it?
Gwen says: It would have to be...
Beth Ann says: So, does Spot get him to destroy them before he starts doing the pussy jokes?
Gwen says: He THINKS Blink destroys them, but Blink is too clever for that
Beth Ann says: Hides them under his baseball videos so Spot never finds them, and pulls them out at the best possible moment?
Gwen says: He taunts him with it, and one day Spot manages to steal them away, and all Blink has to say is "negatives!"
Beth Ann says: *ded* And then Mush admits that he accidentally threw them out.
Gwen says: He tries to whisper it inconspicuously, but Spot overhears and is all AH HA!
Gwen says: well, that's pretty much all the time
Beth Ann says: Always in victory? Or sometimes in makeup!sex?
Gwen says: or Race in victory...
Gwen says: also, d) all of the above
Beth Ann says: ALL AT ONCE!!!
Gwen says: lol, you know it!
Beth Ann says: And then Specs and Dutchy... XP
Gwen says: :P lol
Beth Ann says: Just all the time. Unless Dutchy is mad at Specs...
Gwen says: They just do it all the time. Period.
Beth Ann says: But their fights! Specs' no for a week which lasts five minutes. And Dutchy no for a week which lasts exactly one week.
Gwen says: to the second
Beth Ann says: Right there, on the exam room table.
Beth Ann says: Whether the kid is gone or not.
Gwen says: ewwwewewew! THINK OF THE CHILDREN, BETH ANN.
Beth Ann says: Oh, they get a lollipop and kicked out the door by a frantic Dutchy, then.
Gwen says: That's better.
Beth Ann says: And the parents are like, "But you just got in there!!!"
Gwen says: Specs will just shout through the closed door, "CLEAN BILL OF HEALTH. BYYYYYYE!"
Beth Ann says: And his voice will suddenly jump up and become breathy on the BYYYYYE!
Gwen says: The parents quickly cover the children's ears and herd them out.
Beth Ann says: And ten minutes later, they'll both walk out and Specs will grab a nurse and tell her to disinfect the whole room, stat.
Gwen says: The nurse will be all "... I hate my job."
Beth Ann says: "But I love my boss!" *stares at Specs' ass*
Gwen says: lol! There are probably nurses pressed against the door while they're in there, trying to listen.
Beth Ann says: Setting up webcams in all the exam rooms...
Gwen says: Selling the porn on ebay...
Beth Ann says: To people like us!
Gwen says: Who would be like "Yes please!"
Beth Ann says: And pay way more than the nurses earn in, like, three months.

Beth Ann says: Okay, here's a question: what's the kinkiest thing David and Jack have done?
Gwen says: Hmm, I can see David as being SEVERLY in-the-closet kinky, and Jack needs to bring it out. But once he does...
Beth Ann says: Uh-huh. Suuuuuuuuuuure.
Gwen says: It's true! He would definitely love to be tied up... And he'd probably want Jack to keep his cowboy hat on, once in a while. :P
Beth Ann says: *groans* Ugh.
Gwen says: There would definitely be role-playing sessions revolving around the cowboy aspect of it all...
Beth Ann says: You are a bad, bad person. Is Jack going to make David the horse?
Gwen says: You know it. He'd definitely ride him. :P
Gwen says: I enjoy being a bad person.
Beth Ann says: OMG. Once Matt's old enough to get the whole Jack and David sex thing, he totally reprograms David's cell phone to have the ringtone of that 'Save a horse, ride a cowboy' song when Jack calls.
Gwen says: And David will squawk and flail the first time it goes off.
Gwen says: definitely. and he's all "omghide!"
Beth Ann says: And the kids are like "oo, cool song"
Gwen says: lol, it's a VERY good thing they don't get it.
Beth Ann says: They sing it to their parents anyway...:P

Note: In our verse, grown up Blink plays for the Yankees.

Beth Ann says: Weren't we going to discuss Blink and Mush's sex life?
Gwen says: We didn't discuss Mush and Blink?
Beth Ann says: No, we got Javid, Sprace, and Sputchy.
Gwen says: oh, well then. We must.
Beth Ann says: It's gotta always be sappy sweet and tender.
Gwen says: Definitely. The slightest bit of roughness would shock them to their innocent little cores.
Beth Ann says: Mmmhm. It's just always this totally vanilla sex with, like, silk sheets and rose petals. And you'd think it would be boring compared to all the other boys, but they just have SO FUCKING MUCH OF IT.
Gwen says: OMG. You know Mush would blush SO BRIGHT RED the first time he gave Blink head.
Beth Ann says: *ded* omg, so much yes!
Gwen says: lol, it would just be so risqué to him!
Beth Ann says: I KNOW! And maybe Blink would try and get some in a public place...
Beth Ann says: Under the stands after he has a big game in some random city!
Gwen says: And Mush would be all wide-eyed and "N-n-no!" And blush and stammer and eventually give in and be a little miffed with Blink afterward in the "I can't believe you made me do that!" way.
Beth Ann says: Ha, yes. And Blink would have to make it up to him with, like, chocolate or sommat.
Beth Ann says: Because Mush is a woman.
Gwen says: Chocolate and flowers. And Mush would cry.
Beth Ann says: lol, yes! A dozen roses. RED roses, at that.
Gwen says: Definitely.
Beth Ann says: So, how about MATT'S sex life?
Gwen says: !!! But he's a Baaaaaaaaaaby! *goes all David*
Beth Ann says: Not by the end of it! OMG, how will David react to Matt's kids???

Beth Ann says: You know that the holidays are major events with all the uncles and the whole family.
Gwen says: Early on, David gets his heart set on hosting it every year, including inviting his own parents over.
Gwen says: The house is decorated both for Christmas and Hanukkah.
Beth Ann says: Mmm-hm. And asks Jack if he wants his aunt and uncle over, too. Just picture this:
Beth Ann says: Jack and David at the ends of this huge table, laden with tonnes of food. Ranged around the table are David's parents, Jack's aunt and uncle, Spot, Race, Dutchy, Specs, Blink, Mush, Sarah, Snoddy, Gabe, Matt, Alex, Les, Cynthia, and then the dog under the table. And everyone's talking over everyone else and there are five conversations going on at once (and David's in ALL OF THEM) and it's just so perfectly domestic.
Gwen says: lol, awwwwwwwwww! <3
Beth Ann says: Snow falling outside, candles on the table, and the centrepeice is this lame papermache turkey Matt made in the second grade.
Gwen says: lol!!! And Matt's like 25
Beth Ann says: Mm-hm!
Beth Ann says: And he's like, "Papa, THROW IT OUT!" And Alex is just laughing at him so, so much.
Gwen says: And David is all, "MEMORIES OF YOUR CHILDHOOD!"
Beth Ann says: And Matt's like, "Daaaaaad, make him burn it!"
Gwen says: And Jack puts his hands up all "Not getting involved... backing away slowly..."
Beth Ann says: And Les is like, "David, it's falling apart. The feathers are all gone. It's a piece of crap. Toss it." And Cynthia is all, "Les, that's an important memory for David!"
Beth Ann says: And Les is like, "Yeah. I am." *stands up, because he's totally taller than David* And Race starts taking bets.
Gwen says: David: "I am still older than you! Obey!"
Beth Ann says: Les: "I'm 39 years old! You can't boss me around any more!"
Beth Ann says: "At least I'm still young!"
Gwen says: David: "Why you little--" *lunges for him* Their mum: "BOYS." And they both sit down, sulking.
Beth Ann says: Yes, omg. And Cynthia gives Les this "We will discuss this later" look. And Jack gives David this "You could've taken him" look.
Gwen says: LMAO
Beth Ann says: Les is so totally whipped.
Gwen says: you know it.
Beth Ann says: They have to have vegan food for Cynthia! (and Les, because, well...)
Gwen says: Tofu-erkey!
Beth Ann says: And no one else would eat any, so they'd take it home with them.
Gwen says: Tofurkey?
Gwen says: Totally.
Beth Ann says: And David has no idea how to cook it, so he calls Cynthia to get her to walk him through it.
Gwen says: It would be a big cooking fest between David, his entire family, and random newsies who stumble in and get in the way more than anything.
Beth Ann says: YES OMG.

Beth Ann says: So, would David let people bring food? Or would he be all possessive about his cooking?
Gwen says: It would be one of those old-fashioned holiday gathering, where those who choose to cook would come over in the morning, and they would all cook together.
Beth Ann says: D'aww. I was just thinking Specs walks in with this covered bowl and is like, "David, we brought (Dutchy, what the hell did we bring again?)" Dutchy: *sighs* "Salad."
Gwen says: lol, that would definitely happen. And David would laugh and roll his eyes
Beth Ann says: "Salad? Who the fuck brings salad? Why isn't it meat? Meat’s MANLY!"
Beth Ann says: "But we're all NOT!"
Gwen says: lol
Gwen says: !!!!!!! Oh!
Beth Ann says: And Matt puts his hand up. "I kinda am."
Beth Ann says: What?
Gwen says: MATT AS A KID MAKING SUGAR COOKIES <3333333333333333333333333333333
Beth Ann says: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...*melts* And Jack and Matt have little, like, dough fights.
Gwen says: lol! And the flour! It would be EVERYWHERE between the two of them. In hair! On faces! All over the dog!
Beth Ann says: OMG, yes! And David would just be waiting outside the kitchen with a dustbuster at the ready.
Gwen says: Later, he would change his mind, shove the cleaning supplies at Jack, and tell him, "You were the one making the mess. You were the one insisting on acting like a child. YOU clean it."
Beth Ann says: And Jack would do such a bad job, David would have to walk behind him cleaning it up even more.
Gwen says: lol, it's true.
Beth Ann says: And he's almost doing it on purpose, so he'll never have to clean again. But it SO doesn't work.
Gwen says: And David just glares with the "No sex for a WEEK" face.
Beth Ann says: And Jack's like..."*cleans like a mofo*" And David "Was that so hard?"
Gwen says: And Jack's all, "Yeah... but not as hard as I am!"
Beth Ann says: And David would go BRIGHT RED.
Gwen says: And Jack would just wiggle his eyebrows
Beth Ann says: And David would be like, "But Matt's here...!"
Gwen says: At this point, Matt has wandered off (possibly to play in his room) with a handful of stolen cookies.
Beth Ann says: WAIT! Were these cookies made with real sugar? Or did David make them make them all healthy and shit?
Gwen says: It's the holidays... I think he'd give in. He'd get all sentimental and shit.
Beth Ann says: Awwww, yes. But, still, he'd be all, "What if Matt hears us?"
Gwen says: Jack: "We'll just have to keep you quiet then." *advances all aggressively*
Beth Ann says: David: *sputters and gets back against the wall*
Gwen says: Jack: *takes full advantage*
Beth Ann says: David: *worries about cleaning up this, too*
Gwen says: Jack: *eyeroll* "Shut up." *kisses, and drags down the hall to the bedroom*
Beth Ann says: David: *makes sure the door is shut and locked (because he totally bought a lock for the bedroom door)*
Gwen says: Jack: *tackles onto the bed*
Beth Ann says: David: Remember, be quiet.
Gwen says: Jack: *innocent nodding* Of course, dear. *kisses*
Beth Ann says: David: *kisses back, then wipes off some missed flour*
Gwen says: Jack: *giggles uncontrollably for a moment, then starts being all seductive*
Beth Ann says: David: *gets totally swept away*
Gwen says: Jack: *smiles triumphantly! into the kiss*
Beth Ann says: David: Get the hat.
Gwen says: Jack: *perks right the hell up, puppy-eske* Yessir.
Beth Ann says: Matt: *knocks on the door* Papa, I think I ate too many cookies. I feel sick.
Gwen says: Jack: ... *dies*
Beth Ann says: David: *goes into Jewish mother mode and totally SHOVES Jack off him* I'll be RIGHT THERE.
Gwen says: Jack: *crawls under the bedspread, pulls it up over his head, and sulks*
Beth Ann says: David: I'll make it up to you later now call Specs right now because mai baibeeeeee is sick!!!111!!oneone!
Gwen says: Jack: *grabs the cordless off of the bedside table, and pulls it under the covers with him* Fine. But you'd BEST make it up to me.
Beth Ann says: David: How long are you going to stay under there? Because it's too hot under there for anything. ESPECIALLY making it up to you but good.
Gwen says: Jack: I can be found in my own, private batcave, until which time you BEGIN the making it up to me.
Beth Ann says: David: *shakes head* Just call Specs, I'll give Matt some Tums and tuck him in.
Gwen says: Jack: *grumbles* *waits for you to come back*
Beth Ann says: David: *comes back in* What did Specs say?
Gwen says: Jack: He said to give Matt tums and have him lie down. He just ate too much, but he'll be fine when is stomach settles. *is very glad David can't see his face*
Beth Ann says: David: *crawls over the bed* That's it? Maybe I should call, just to make sure...
Gwen says: Jack: *quickly* I'm sure, that's what he said. No need to worry.
Beth Ann says: David: *is a little suspicious and pulls the covers off* Jack...
Gwen says: Jack: *squawks and grabs for the covers*
Beth Ann says: Davd: *now REALLY suspicious* Jack Kelly, what did he SAY?
Gwen says: Jack: *grabs for a pillow, sticking it over his face* I told you what he said!
Beth Ann says: David: *pulls the pillow away* Francis Jonathan Sullivan, what. did. he. say?
Gwen says: Jack: *glares silently*
Beth Ann says: David: *crumbles* I'm sorry, Jack. You're right, I'm just over reacting. We should get some sleep, it's been a busy day.
Gwen says: Jack: *stares at him, wide eyed* IfIcallhimwillyouhavesexwithme?
Beth Ann says: David: *rolls over* Why call him again? You already called him, riiiiiiiiiiiiight?
Gwen says: Jack: Um... To make sure?
Beth Ann says: David: *pulls up the covers* You said you were sure. Besides, it's late. Specs and Dutchy are probably having wall-banging, screamingly good hot monkey sex right now. We don't want to bother them.
Gwen says: Jack: *puppy eyes*
Beth Ann says: David: Goodnight, love. *turns off the light*
Gwen says: Jack: *wiggles close, and hooks a thigh over David's* ... Please?
Beth Ann says: David: *wiggles away* Nope. I'm sure you're tired after all that cleaning you did.
Gwen says: Jack: *starts kissing David's neck* Well, that's funny, because I don't FEEL tired...
Beth Ann says: David: *gives in to sexin's*
Gwen says: Jack: *sexes with glee*
Beth Ann says: David: *juuuust before drifting off to sleep* "I'll just call Specs tomorrow and thank him..."
Gwen says: Jack: *grumbles incoherently* Fuck it. *snuggles in for sleep*
Beth Ann says: David: *knows he WINS*
Beth Ann says: Specs, the next day: "I helped you with the who and the what now?"
Gwen says: Jack: *making wild CAN IT gesticulations*
Beth Ann says: Specs: *understanding dawns* "Oohhh, yeah, that. Uh, yeah, no problem. Call anytime and I'll give you a...hand?"
Gwen says: Jack: *mouthing the words* THANK YOU.
Beth Ann says: David: "Call...anytime?" *spins around really fast* "Jack...?"
Gwen says: Jack: *is innocently straightening his collar* *big innocent eyes* Yes, dear?
Beth Ann says: David: *eyes him suspiciously* "Any reason why Specs is suddenly so helpful?"
Gwen says: Jack: Specs is always helpful! What do you mean suddenly? *throws an arm around Specs* When is Specs anything less than the epitome of human helpfulness?
Beth Ann says: David: "Whenever it involves the health of MY ONLY SON."
Gwen says: Specs: *slowly backs out of the room.*
Gwen says: Jack: *cowers*
Beth Ann says: David: *towering Jewish Mother RAAAGE!!!!! (tm)*
Gwen says: Jack: *Scurries of to make a world class breakfast for his family* byyyyyyyyyyyyyye! (I love you!)
Beth Ann says: David: "And who is going to clean up the MESS you're about to make???"
Gwen says: Jack: Me! I will! Naturally! I'll be like a maid! A really good one! A FRENCH one! I'll even be all sexy while doing it!
Beth Ann says: David: *crosses arms* "Mmm-hmmm." *totally not buying it*
Gwen says: Jack: *smiles winningly*
Beth Ann says: David: *keeps staring. Not angrily, mind. Just in that David, 'I know I'm right' way*
Gwen says: Jack: *keeps grinning in the "I'm so cute, you just can't stay mad at something this adorable! I'm like a puppy!" look*
Beth Ann says: David: *tries to reist*
Gwen says: Jack: *bites tongue a little between his teeth and wiggles eyebrows*
Beth Ann says: David: *melts a little*
Gwen says: Jack: *crosses his eyes*
Beth Ann says: David: *gives in and laughs, giving him a kiss on the cheek*
Gwen says: Jack: *blushes and is adorable*

All right, this one requires a little set-up. In this last part, we were wondering what would happen if David was at work entering grades into the book, and accidentally let it slip to Jack that he was online. (For the sake of my detail-oriented mind, I'm saying he has customized his computer on his desk, which is how he has an instant messaging program on it, even though I don't think any of my teachers ever used school computers for more than the essential functions.) Anyway, be warned. Jack is all about the chat speak, and probably only half to annoy David.

Jack says: hey baibe wanna cyber?
Jack says: a/s/l?

David says: I am working, Jack. Leave me alone.
Jack says: :"(
David says: No,.
David says: *No.

Jack says: shut up u dont need grammar.
Jack says: this is teh intrawebs

David says: You're the writer.
Jack says: but im not riting now
David says: Ok, Jack, that one burned.
David says: And did I mention WORKING?

Jack says: ill give u a burn
Jack says: ;)

David says: LEAVING NOW.
David says: Bye.
David says: Love you
Jack says: u luv me rit
Jack says: ?

David says: Always, I just have to go!
Jack says: no u dont
Jack says: u could stay

David says: No, I can't, I have to work. Entering grades.
Jack says: psht how long can that take? cyber, bitch
David says: Ok, now you're definitely not getting any.
Jack says: pweeese?
Jack says: If I write properly, will you fuck me?

David says: No! I'm on a school computer! In my classroom!
David says: But when I get home, yes.

Jack says: and?
Jack says: good.

David says: Ok, deal.
David says: Bye~
David says: *Bye!

Jack says: lol, ur such a n00b
David says: ...
David says: *David has signed off*

Jack says: dammit, davy.

[User Picture]From: deesarrachi
2006-11-22 07:09 pm (UTC)
It's great how something this lame looks cool because we're like, "Look! It goes in a community!!!" XP
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: theboysgonehome
2006-11-22 07:35 pm (UTC)
So basically, we're awesome. :D
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[User Picture]From: deesarrachi
2006-11-22 07:59 pm (UTC)
Oh, yeah. That's the word for it. *eyeroll* ps ever going to feedback the chapter? *puppydog eyes*
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: theboysgonehome
2006-11-22 11:40 pm (UTC)
Yep. wtf! I was about to say what chapter? but then I went to your journal and my response changed to this never showed up on my flist! so I'm off to read now.
(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: queenitsy
2006-11-22 08:05 pm (UTC)
*giggling so hard at...everything*

Heeheehee. My day? Made.
(Reply) (Thread)
[User Picture]From: theboysgonehome
2006-11-23 12:01 am (UTC)
lol, I'm glad it made you laugh. It makes us laugh, but then again, Beth Ann and I are lame. X/
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